A sexual organ’s most practical uses: Genital Recycling
As I don’t have any idea what a sexual organ (reproductive tract etc.) is good for, I have tried to come up with some practical uses that will benefit not only oneself (!) but the environment and society.
(Feel free to add some of your own ideas)
THE BADASS GENITAL RECYCLING FIRM (we don’t mind putting our asses on the line for your pleasure)
1. burn the stuff (mentioned above) and use the resulting ash as fertiliser for your garden. It’s biological!
2. Spare the poor fish and use chunks of cut out sexual organs instead as shark bait, they are bound to love it, it’s natural!
3. make a powder of the dead material and create some organic paint; it’s a great way to add some of yourself to your projects!
4. make some art (there aren’t any boundaries here), just be creative. People love porn, so you’ll get a warm welcome!
5. send greeting cards with a part of yourself. Instead of signing your name, youu can just add a body part, since everyone defines you as such, they’ll have no problem recognising the card was sent by you. They’ll appreciate the personal nature of the gift!
6. Make a Halloween costume out of said organs and swap them around during the party for an unforgettable experience of culture. Immerse yourself in western culture by taking part in their traditional festivities and experience, above all, to be called ‘cunt’ and ‘dick’. It will give you a new perspective on life!
7. Experiment! You might want to engineer the stuff so it acts as your personal representative. This way you can be at two places at once and if someone annoys yuo you can easily say “talk to my vag.” and it’ll really start talking!
8. You always wanted to give your pet a part of yourself, be one with it. It’s part of a loving relationship! So, why not manufacture some personalised pet food and feed it to your loved one, so he/she will have a part of you in him/herself. It’s a very special gift and will make the bond of love and friendship (on your part at least) much stronger!
9. This is for the fundamentalists out there who don’t want to be neglected and will be happy to hear that they, too, can benefit from our latest offers. Why not use body parts as bio-weapon/bio-hazard. They are great projectiles and can easily be used to blackmail other people and generally get what one wants. It’s always good to have some spare parts; one is guranteed to succeed by having organs for every occasion. Need to be the boss, just strap on item Nr. 6448, need to be a female dominatrix, there’s a part for that, too. You can play whatever role you want and succeed in it!
Sorry, we do not have parts for the non-sexual/non-gendered minority out there, but we are working on it to satisfy you, too.