I’m not getting anywhere with job or apartment hunting.
Yesterday I was supposed to have a look at one, but the realty person did not turn up. Our group of people waited for more than an hour, then I left, so I don’t know if this person eventually did turn up. I had time, but it’s still frustrating. I did not have the number, otherwise I would’ve called and perhaps found out about why we were all standing in front of a house, us strangers thrown together by the need to move from our current places into a new one. It was interesting to see so many different characters thrown together, a really interesting mix of people were there, including me 🙂 Some interesting dress styles presented themselves, but in the end our boredom and frustration and the need for comfortable housing united us. I wonder what happened in the end and where all these people went, in the end.
Then I forced myself to do some socialising, because it was in my area. We all met (strangers again) in a restaurant almost across from where I live because of this desire to be socially more active whilst also doing sports or learning new things or being cultural. There’s an organisation that organises events where complete strangers can meet (for whatever reason, mostly to socialise and do stuff together and not alone). For a modest fee and a 6 month contract basically one can avail of the many choices of events and strangers. 40 Euro per month is a little much for me, especially with this job thing not materialising and the search for a new place to stay. It also feels very forced and fake, and desperate. I’m not saying I’m 100% happy with being not only single but not knowing anyone in this town and having my closest family member living at least a 2 hour plane trip away, and having him not really care about me anyway, and that is almost the nicest of my siblings. Even with all this in mind, I still couldn’t force myself to tick the boxes of what events I would prefer and leave my bank details. I’m curious though if this sort of thing works (if one’s expectations are met) at such events and what sort of people turn up.
One of the people at the restaurant gave me a good opportunity to out myself, he was a guy. He mentioned that there were all girls (women) at the meeting and his face was overcome with a glow, a shining that I only ever thught pregnant women and drug addicts to have (sorry, I am trying to be funny, but have a feeling I’m not so funny today). Anyway, I casually outed myself as a Neutrois, which was quite amusing. The look on the man’s face changed abruptly and he did not seem to be amused, as his exquisite comment was hijacked by a pint-sized gender gangster.
But the reception I got was something to remember. The women sitting opposite me started to ask, in the most friendly way I have ever encountered, but with a wry smile, if I didn’t event want to be male and wether I ‘liked’ men or women. The woman who started the conversation after I had mentioned Trans somewhere (she couldn’t see the star that usually accompanies this label) also casually mentioned that she had given herself a nickname, too, that was more gender neutral. The woman who managed the event, who was hostile to me for a while as I did not become a member, even warmed up to me and we chatted for a bit. This warm and casual reception at an event with strangers was really uplifting and gave me courage to actually take part in group activities: badminton, concerts, etc…
I still have the feeling that I will only see these people again if I sign up with the group and pay good money for my inclusion. But that is kind of to be expected. I’m also very tempted by it, but right now, I don’t want to spend money again when I can afford it the least (which I always seem to end up doing).
postscript 1: The mentioning of my queerness was not planned, it just happened to escape me. I guess the atmosphere was such that I let the words out, the need to express myself overcoming the fear of retaliation or ridicule (I can’tstand ridicule).
postscript 2: I wonder if the writing analyser I heard about would recognise that all these posts are from one and the same me. I wonder what gender I would be if I was baing analysed by a machine.
postscript 3: I still don’t know what people see me as, nowadays. I’m afraid it might still be female (I have some extremely hard-to-overcome female mannerisms that I’m also attached to). If I’m wearing a really open-cut shirt do people still assume I have breasts even if there’s nothing to see?