dominicdemeyn

:Neutrois Niche:

Month: August, 2012

Another reblog: Living Alone

I need to reblog this on here. It’s a real big issue, the fear of being alone, and it has assailed me often, but I’m still fighting.

The post that I am linking to is by redbeardace and called Living Alone

It’s a post that highlights the importance of keeping things in perspective. Are we really in such a bad position to be living alone? Re-think!

home economics: I am becoming a desperate houseneutrois

I decided it was time, time to walk in there, eventhough I knew I would lose my direction and probably forget what I was going to do there. But I just had to go in and find something, SOMETHING, that would relieve my suffering.

I couldn’t hesitate any longer, so I returned my tray and headed for the entrance to the store.

So many colours, textures, and sparkly things, they all dazzled my mind and lots of artistic things came into my mind. I knew this would happen, I knew I would begin to lose it, but I had to recollect myself.

So I stepped out of my reverie and headed for the specials section of the material I was looking for. I couldn’t choose a material, though, and I couldn’t choose a colour. I just stood there, picturing the outcome of my hard work and endless hours of frustration.

I went back and forth, looking for another item and even had to consult the staff. They were very helpful, but after telling me that a metre cost about 3 Euro, I lost interest and slowly moved away, embarrassed.

So finally I came to the conclusion that I had to do something. I grabbed three types (gren, pink, and metallic blue) and the base material (black) and paid. The cashier put a magazine with store specials into my shopping bag. That was it. I did it. I was done for today.

At home I eagerly unpacked and scrutinised my purchases. The colours matched my idea of how I wanted to present myself: new, vibrant.

(I mostly don’t actually feel like that, but that’s another matter)

I pictured all the clothes I would change, how they would fit me better in future, how the label created an extra layer.

Then I sadly realised: I don’t have the proper instruments to use the woolen strings of cloth. My attempt had failed.

But I will go back to that shop in the main shopping street and get the things I need…and start again. The frustrating work hasn’t even begun yet.

So I only managed to create this little label-sign on my carry-bag. The one I had before disintegrated. This is my resistance.

Signs. Soon they’ll be springing up everywhere I go, because these signs will be attached to me. I will be the sign.

(Let’s hope it’ll be understood)

having ‘neutrois-lized’ the bag, Dominic is now planning new sewing projects

 

 

 

 

new product advertised on radical feminist’s blog, has the word ‘Neutrois’ in it

Oh, look what I found! A bit of advertisement for the Neutrois.

As a Neutrois I am thankful that someone as knowleadgable of ourselves as Against all Evidence has come up with this idea of a ‘Narcissistic Hipster Acne Wash’.

Not only have I become upgraded to a hipster (I will attempt to find out what that is asap), but also to ‘the nr. 1 queer theorist recommended’. It’s good to know what queer theorists recommend. Let me know of any queer theorist if you ever meet any, I would like to meet one, too!

Against All Evidence  is a wonderful blog and I especially like the posts on feminism and the movement for women’s liberation, because I fully support that and posts like the ones found on this site often make me really angry, almost make me weep, get me enraged, make me very emotional and wanting to know more.

To a redfem from THIS NEUTROIS: I do not support the patriarchy but neither am I in support of the matriarchy. I agree that men have ‘gone bad’ all over the world like an overripe fruit, but that does not make we want to be a woman and especially not a lesbian, because I am celibate, and lesbian sort of means having sex or at least feeling attracted to women, and I don’t like being called that or being expected to become that just because I don’t want to fuck with men, either. So, no thank you, radical feminists. I often read your blogs and marvel at your eloquence and insight into the power/gender politics, but for all your insight and revolutionary energy (which I also admire), you still fail to see other marginalised groups, people like me, ‘queer’ people, asexual people, people who don’t want to fit your agenda as much as they don’t want to fit other groups’ agendas.

It doesn’t mean I’m your enemy, but I am excluded from your own little circle of friends, just as I am looked at strangely by lots of trans women, by trans men, by gays and lesbians, by any binary-supportive system, by anyone who has sex, by anyone who doesn’t wear hats….

That is why I am NEUTROIS, I am a particular Neutrois, you can make fun of it all you want, but I’d prefer you focus on the real threat: the gender binary….oh wait, you’re part of it, I almost forgot.

But thanks for recommending this new product, it really appeals to me, it is orange-y (my favourite colour…oh no, have I reealed too much of myself?), and I do have a bit of skin impurity on my forehead, I tell myself it’s because I think too much, but it could also be just biological. I am sure other queer theorists with acne-related issues will also be happy to be able to purify themselves of skin impurities and I hope this product will take the market by storm and everyone can use it if they so desire. Have you tried it yourself since you are keen on sharing it with us?

Narcissistic Hipster Acne Wash

 

 

link to an article by Gender Trender about pathologising a child’s behaviour

Here’s an article from GENDER TRENDER posted by GallusMag:

“Transgender Children”: Pathology of Childhood is NOT LOVE

Summary:

It’s about a disturbed parent desperately trying to find help for her “transgendered child”.

Having detected signs of gender non-conform behaviour in her infant, then toddler, the woman seeks opinions and diagnoses from medical staff in order to treat her child.

Having come to the conclusion that her female child was, in fact, male-ish, she “…started letting Izzy be a boy at home…”.

My thoughts:

At first this seems touching, heart-warming that a mother would go to so much trouble to let her child be ‘a boy’. But taking a closer look at this scenario, this is not really about the child, about Izzy, at all. It’s about the parent, about the community.

Further down in the article, the proposed diagnosis requirements for pediatric sterilization of lesbians and gays are mentioned (diagnostic and Statistical Manual of the American Psychiatric Association).

This is where the story really gets creepy. There are 8 criteria of which 6 have to be fulfilled for 6 months for a child to be diagnosed as being dis-ordered.

This word itself (dis-order) does not mean one has a disease, it means one does not fit the prescribed order. The order is as follows:

1. Do as you are told

2. Be who I want you to be

Pathologising a child for not conforming to these rules is laughable at best, criminal at worst. Especially when it comes to sex/gender roles. Children don’t even know what sex and gender means, so this, again, is not about a child’s welfare or self-expression, it’s about controllong behaviour.

If these adults treat children according to their own sick adult standards, then children should be allowed to decide for themselves what to do with their lives and there will no distinction anymore between childhood and adolescence. Childhood will be a thing of the past.

 

The you

In Germany we have this great establishment, where words are used to convey respect.

‘Sie’ (you, formal) is such  a term. It is used when adressing adults that one does not know. Only when one is familiar with eachother can one derail and say ‘Du’ (you, informal). Or when one is talking to a child.

Familiarity breeds contempt, when it is faked.

I mean, do I know you? Am I your buddy?

The propensity for unfamiliar people, cissies (cis-people) and others, calling one “du” is inappropriate, but it happens just as often as misgendering does.

When one has come out as non-sexual and non-gendered, when one looks young or acts with respect and humility towards others, one seems to lose respect from people. It is assumed one’s mind has stopped growing, that one needs to be instructed and lead.

It makes me feel disgusted, especially when I don’t want to know the person who shows no sign of acknowledging my adult-ness, my selfness, my self-determination. Why would I want to know someone who apparently thinks I am worthy of being dealt with at the level of a child?

Familiarity breeds contempt!

It’s like people who say ‘du’ not because they know you or have any real importance in your life, but because they live in the same universe as you or have struck up a conversation and talked for 5 minutes while sitting next to you and now they feel entitled. Or because they are taller and stronger and smarter and richer than you, and feel like that’s why they can treat you the way they want.

And you should be grateful, too.

For it’s YOU who has to expand your mind.

(Of course)

You have to realise that if they address you in a familar way that that is a cue, it means they WANT you to be familiar,  they WANT contact, but they WANT it on their terms. But they won’t put that in a sentence, because it wouldn’t sound as nice, so they say “du”, hoping that this might actually lead to familiarity.

It’s such a subtle invasion of privacy it’s nearly not felt at all, because one is tempted to just shrug it off or treat it as a manifestation of a hallucinating mind. I often ask myself “Have I really heard that?”, “Did they really just say that?”, and “What on earth have I done that they now think I should be less respected?”

Of course the first thing I do is to look for a fault in myself, to check my system and replay the whole encounter in my head. I think of ways to solve this problem, without creating a disruption in the conversation, …

…without seeming haughty and arrogant.

 

 

The language we have is a small attempt at least to maintain a structure in our lives and determine relations between eachother, to reinforce these. Whatever is in our heads, our worldview, our deepest most intimate thoughts are communicated through gestures and language.

LANGUAGE–TALKING–WORDS  =  MEANING

When people call me ‘du’ after having talked to me for a little while or not even THAT-just a look has sufficed for them to determine my status in their lives-they have either done so willingly and at the full posession of their faculties, or they have betrayed their ignorance and contempt of me unconsciously through not thinking at all about the words they use.

Either way they have made a big mistake.

Inter-personal communication is not just about themselves.

SHOW    SOME    R.E.S.P.E.C.T !!

“I’m not trans”

In one of my recent posts I have stated, I think, that I am trans* because I want to transition. That is not really the correct way of describing being trans and should not be taken as a measure to describe other trans people and experiences.

I am trans*, but I’m not. I am trans, because I don’t fit into the cis-world, because I am not really cis (male/female), because I don’t fit the prescribed binary. So, in politically-correct (hetero-normative) terms, I probably should be placed in the trans* category (in the category ‘other’).

That’s fine, I don’t care much for being ‘cis’, whatever THAT really means. I don’t care for the politically-correct, well-established binary. Since I was born I have never fit in there, and back then I didn’t even know what trans/trans* was.

I am Neutrois and I want to change my body to fit my ideal. Like getting a tattoo or having a haircut, I want to shape my skin and other aspects of myself, because I am not happy with them (how they are at the moment). I know it’s a bit selfish and superficial, because I am ‘so obsessed’ with my body, but it is an indicator of who I am (inside, and I don’t mean organs here, I mean psychology and personality).

So, I’m happy for now to say I’m trans, eventhough I’m actually Neutrois.

I discovered this video on the Internet today. I rarely go on youtube, I am more of a reader of written blogs, but sometimes I stumble upon a video I can identify with.

Here’s one by laidbaqq. What was said in that video really resonated with me and I would like to share it on this blog with much appreciation:

A lot of trans people are bombarded with misconceptions by the wider community due to their not fitting into traditional gender roles and expectations. A lot of terms now encountered in the trans community are misunderstood and their use as dominating identity labels limit people’s freedom to move in society without gender bias.

queerbtw (Brennan) talks about this in the Femm Trans Boy-I’m not “really still a girl”. youtube video: Another must-watch for anyone interested in this topic and anyone struggling with labels.

I’m so glad that there are people out there who use their time to tell us about these things, to encourage diversity and resist the mainstream. They show us that transpeople, genderqueer people and others exist, that they have names and faces, and are real people. They have jobs, families, hobbies, they are not reducible to a label or a word or phrase or exclamation or something symbolic. They are flesh and blood, and they are walking amongst us!

The Olympics are never over

Finally the Olympic games in London have come to an end.

But the real Olympics take place all over the planet, and don’t just end after a couple of weeks, and there are millions who take part without having been properly trained.

These aren’t games, either, but stark reality.

These ‘games’ often take place in places people rarely visit.

Disciplines include working hard long hours in sweat shops, or finding enough to eat to live through yet another gruesome day. Their champions set themselves the goal to not get beaten up and/or raped, to not get unjustly locked up, to not get shot or maimed. These athletes compete in events of Olympic proportions to not die in the streets or be overcome by depression and poverty and disease.

This requires just as much strength and determination, as much courage and skill as is needed to run fast in circles or jump over hurdles. The difference is that there are no crowds cheering and no medals to be one, and the rules are fairly simple, even a child would understand:

Whoever survives, is a winner.

poorpoor

I am Neutrois now

In the past couple of months many things have changed for me. I changed country, city, and, to some degree, lifestyle, and these were all choices I made willingly. I was driven in part by economic circumstance and dreams about re-establishing family ties, in part by the need to transition and feel better about myself (in my own skin).

The operation was a good idea, though many people will doubt that. I don’t think about it much, to me it is an established fact that I am Neutrois and I am justified to alter my body in certain ways.

But I do have doubts. I doubt people can understand what it’s like to feel Neutrois, I doubt I will ever be free of prejudice and misunderstanding, I doubt I will eventually find my place in society, because I am a fringe person, I seem to always live on the edge of what is normal. Though I would like to own my own place one day and stay at a job and work, and have a circle of friends, and cultivate good relations with my family, I seem to intrinsically live a different lifestyle, because I consider myself Neutrois, and am therefore an Other.

I never wanted to be trans*, but i seem to be trans* now, because my being Neutrois requires from me (from my personal view and seeking of happiness for myself) a transition. I do not transition in order to become Neutrois, because that is already in me, I am ‘it’, but I still feel the strong need to transition, to align my body with myself, for unless it changes, my body and soul will always suffer.

But society does not accept this. I go out, and people talk. I get questioned about being a girl or boy, until they settle on one or the other, I get told: “Ah, you’re just like the other one we met the other day”, and it feels like they actually stamp me with an oversized stamping tool that says: “We have just the right box for you”. Their interest lies not in knowing the truth about me or where I come from or where I am going, they want to re-establish their truth about themselves and the world they are accustomed to. I understand that quite well, as I myself often hide from unsettling things until I am ready to tackle them. But my response is not physical or verbal attack. I don’t try and injure the people I don’t like, eventhough there are many.

I feel that people go out of their way to belittle others. That is what I cannot understand, unless I look into the recesses of my most evil parts, and there I find some sort of comradeship. But seeing that I am often out and about alone and an easy target, people fall prey to their base instincts, their lack of reason and sense, their base thoughts, and attack me through well-thought-out words and phrases, that they know will pierce me just as much as a knife into flesh would. These are not all morons who use verbal slurs, but use the intellect and creativity they have to demean other people, because they cannot seem to think of other ways to use this talent.

“I am Neutrois” should be written on every T-shirt and other item of clothing I own and I am tempted to tarnish the basic and true colours with writing in order to be more fully understood. I only want people to ‘look at me’ in order to see positive difference and the possibility for change. They can distort a painting or burn a book, but they cannot distort me when I walk past. That must be very frustrating, that I am so important to them in this way but yet not important at all, and they can’t avoid noticing me, and yet just want me to vanish or be assimilated like a BORG from Star Trek.

“I am Neutrois” is a fact, whenever I walk past you, I am Neutrois, whenever you think of me, I am Neutrois, whenever I am silent, I am still Neutrois. I am beginning to be tired of always thinking of ways I need to change and adapt. I can only adapt so much without losing myself, I can only change so much in physical ways as to become more fully aligned with my (gender) identity. I am always going to be caught in the middle, like a half-human only, who is neither this and neither that and does not belong.

Perfection is clearly out of reach, humanity is a concept that is not wholly in my grasp. But Neutrois is still what I am, even if it sounds like a new sci-fi induced race.

The funny thing is that even if I wanted to fit in, I cannnot do so anymore, because I am compelled from an inner source to stick to this identity. I do make some small sacrifices along the way, but not enough to lose myself. I am still trapped in a female body (I am not denying that), but I am still Neutrois. Those who cannot grasp that concept cannot grasp the concept that a box may have different content than what is written on it, that writing on a box may be washed away or changed, even if it is done with permanent marker.

They cannot grasp the concept that they are not the only ones to decide who a human being is, and that they are not immune to re-definition and change, either.

Existence is dialogue, and that is why they talk TO me. They talk like throwing stones, their talking is more of a hissing, and yet it is part of the dialogue that establishes who we are.

I ignore them.

Series I, Part IV: Back Home

back home-the den

…Home already.

He opened his eyes and looked around and found that nothing had changed. Except, his absence had made the colours of his home shine brighter.

He shut the door behind him and breathed in the air delightedly. Here was where he belonged. He was not away for very long but it seemed like an eternity. He sensed that he could enter different worlds whenever he wanted, but that he only wanted to be away from home if he could return to it.

So, he dropped his umbrella into the umbrella bucket in its umbrella corner, took off his boots and proceeded into the kitchen, where his friend was already waiting for him.

Ignomas Nobel started trembling, for he thought his friend was angry at him for being away and not telling him about it, going on this journey all by himself. The tea pot, cups, and a tray of biscuits were set upon the table, which stood steadily in the middle of the lighted room. The curtains were moving as a slight cool breeze came through the open window.

“Sorry I was away so long”, he stammered. “I know you must’ve been bored, but so was I, it was really boring”. “So have you got the sugar, then?”, his friend replied. “You were only gone for 5 minutes, so no point apologising”, he continued.

Mr. Nobel’s hands were empty and his head was spinning. He couldn’t understand that he was away for only 5 minutes. Fifteen perhaps, but not five. Were his adventures even that great if they didn’t take more than five minutes?

But then he looked in his pockets, and to his amazement, there were the sugar cubes his friend had requested.

“Well done, mate”, said his friend. “But why have you brought this Dandelion plant with you?”

Ignomas got up, stared out of the window and smiled. “Let me tell you a story that you won’t believe!” “When I closed the front door behind me on my way to the shops…”

“Oh, not one of your stories again….Oh well, go ahead then…”, countered the friend.

He was regaled with the amazing stories of Ignomas’s adventures; there were always new ones. He found himself stumbling into reverie as well, as his mind, in turn, was filled with creative scenes and special places that would welcome him, a stranger, too.

He was happy he had such a friend, who he could easily pass the time with. These two were never bored.

 

The brave new world Part II: Transhumanist Research

The previous part of my article about Transhumanism was a short introduction of the movement that hopefully garnered a bit of interest for it.

The following is an elaboration on the introduction and another introduction for a third part that deals with one specific topic, that of the human form and related ideas about ethics.

However, let me begin by reiterating some basic tenets of transhumanism:

Transhumanists show a great interest in sceintif discovery and exploration, both of the external world around them and of themselves. Science fiction films and novels come to mind when one hears the word transhumanism, as it is implied that a lot of the concepts associated with this movement are revolutionary in a sense that they aim to go beyond the known, beyond what is even possible, beyond the human.

For this reason the movement has gained a lot of critics and skeptics. Since the movement focuses on such terms as future/enhancement/technology and on science, it is not very well understood and even often misunderstood and feared.

But little do critics take into account that without a spirit of endeavour and without transhumanist thought, the present as we know it would not have come into being, and perhaps not have come into existence so fast. For transhumanists often build upon the history of mankind and trace the roots of the movement back to the Age of Enlightenment and the Industrial Revolution.

Today various scientific fields are full of transhumanist thinkers that aim at using their skills to enhance the human (quality of life and sustainability, cognition and other skills). The follwoing fields are areas of interest for scientific exploration (in no particular order): Cybernetics, Neuroscience, Molecular Biology, Nanotechnology, Information Technology.

Japan cyborg research enters the skull

mind_controlled_robot

From cloning cells to creating robotic body parts, transhumanism is our constant companion in the quest for human enhancement and scientific discovery.

As is exemplified in the article ‘Japan’s cyborg research enters the skull’ (dated 17th April, 2008), researchers aim to use “real-time mind-controlled robotic limbs” to enhance motor skills for disabled patients. The way to do this is quite intrusive, but might yield a better quality life for the patient.

Enhancing the human is designing the human, re-shaping the human form and thus allowing for new concepts about what is human and how a human should/can perform. Scientific research and engineering (the practical and visible) spills over onto other fields as well, the Arts and Humanities, for example, where the concept of ‘Human’ is being re-adressed as part of the transhuman discourse. This might also have effects on other, not so obvious fields, such as Transgender Theory (eg. reassignment surgery) and Queer Theory (non-traditional ways of assigning gender).