Where are our allies?
I recently got transferred into the transit area where I meet many more people from diverse backgrounds and also met new staff members. They were all nice, of course, but nice is not quite enough when one barely exists and is rarely, if ever, seen as an equal.
I don’t mind being patronised when I’m new at work, because it’s true that I need to listen and learn a lot of new things, but stop patronising me because of or in spite of my gender (identity).
There are so many priviledged people and they don’t even know how priviledged they are. Only when this prviledge is taken away do they realise what life can actually be like.
They say they’re so accepting, but their reaction to what I tell them about me is mostly shock or disbelief or even amusement, and most often I have to listen to patronising comments afterward. They say it’s ok to be me and then get pronouns wrong. One woman asked me what my first name was after I had told her, thinking it can’t be true. I wonder why do people not just make up their own names for me like the character Dr. Cox from the TV Show Scrubs does to the character Dorian?!
They say they are accepting of all sorts of sexualities!! Do they consider accepting the fact that I don’t like fucking? No, they don’t understand how sexuality is repulsive to me, how I’d rather protect and nourish my body than use it for someone else’s gratification. How sickening is it that they think I follow the same low standards as them when it comes to what they call ‘love’ and ‘affection’.
These days I openly tell people I am Neutrois and I often add that I am female to eunuch. I want so badly to show them my scars, to tell them what it means for me to be like this, that it means a lot more than just sitting around saying fancy new words for other people’s enterainment.
I can’t believe that they don’t get it!!
One person said at least having no gender is no problem, it’s nothing to get worked up about, really. It’s true, it SHOULDN’T be a problem, but it is. First it’s sensational to be without gender, and after a while nobody cares. After having outed yourself to people and told them personal stuff they just ignore you and get on with their gendered lives and gendering you as if you had never spoken one word about this whole topic and how you are different and you are left to pick up the pieces and try to find some form of positivty elsewhere. And the struggle to exist with your ideals in a place that doesn’t recognise these and denies you ownership of yourself (to a certain extent) continues every single day. Even when I am alone in an empty room, in my apartment, I hear those voices denying me my self.
WHERE ARE OUR ALLIES?