I wish people would stop hijacking my identity

by dominicdemeyn

Let’s be clear about this: i identify as Neutrois.

Some people seem to think “Oh, this is a girl who identifies as Neutrois. SHE’s so cute”
or “Oh, wow, another fetish”.

I am a ‘they’ or an ‘it’, not a he/she or a mix of these. I don’t wear boy’s or girl’s clothes but clothes, I don’t gender everything that exists and I don’t think of people in terms of sexuality or gender, but think mainly in other categories: like who is this person really?!

Though Neutrois is a gender of sorts, providing a contrast to other genders, it’s actually a non-gender. It does not include rules such as that I have to wear pink or I need to wear make-up.

Neutrois want to move away from gender.

I wish people would stop calling themselves Neutrois and start educating themselves on what it means: What it means to people like me, and what it means to them. It’s not just a fancy word that sounds slightly french and “Oh, I’ll just use it for now to deine myself, but I don’t really know what it means”.

You can’t really say you are a Neutrois if you sometimes feel male, sometimes female, and sometimes Neutrois, I suggest you say “I sometimes feel Neutrois”, instead of saying you are Neutrois. There’s a difference there. You can’t say “I sometimes feel dysphoria and sometimes I don’t” and therefore I am a Neutrois. I don’t want to pathologise being me, but a Neutrois experiences constant overwhelming dysphoria to a point where it gets very dark and ugly, it’s not just about having a bad day once ina  while. It’s like people saying they have depression when they only feel a bit sad, usually for good reason. How does this minimise another person’s acute and bearable sickening depresion that is able to completely ruin his life if this person does not fight against it constantly, every single day?

Surgery to me is life-affirming, it’s a major part of the Neutrois identity. A Neutrois who does not want surgery and eventually wants to have kids and actually realy likes who they are without surgery, to me, is like a penguin who actually lives in the desert and does not like swimming and does not look anything like a penguin….

I hope you get my point.

A Neutrois who is pansexual…..I don’t get that. If you tell me you are Neutrois and thereby have major body dysphoria, especially about ‘sexual’ parts, then how do you experience attraction and how could you ever act on it even if your body was attracted to someone? And why call that sexual attraction? I think a Neutrois can experience romantic attraction, but when it comes to sexuality there is a natural repulsion due to them not liking their body parts and not even wanting to touch these themselves let alone anyone else going anywhere near them.

A Neutrois, basically someone who wants to remove all their sexual and gender aspects, including social stigma AND body parts who is a sexual? A eunuch who is a sexual? These identities do not match and would create great conflict in myself were I to identify like that. It’s like by having one of these identities you are at the same time denying another.

A Neutrois is, yes, it has finally been revealed, a non-sexual, a sex-less being. Compare it to an android or a disembodied spirit if it makes it easier for you to understand.

A Neutrois is more or less dissociated from the physical and prefers mental things to physical things. A Neutrois is not a fan of biology, not in its current state, anyway.

That’s why recently I have come to identify more and more as not trasgender, though I fit the category, but as transhuman. Transgender implies moving from one gender to another form of gender. But this is inaccurate for me. I want to be clear to people how I identify and I want my identity to match the definition that is out there, so I will in future reference trasnhuman instead of transgender. I want to reach a new paradigm in terms of humanity and body modification, in terms of language use and behaviour. It permeates every single aspect of my life and will affect me until I am dead and cease to exist.

 

Being Neutrois is a lonely, scary, uncomfortable, and even dangerous place to be. It is soul-destroying beacuse one receives nearly no affirmation of one’s identity and struggles to get a voice even amongst all these different queer peers. Even they mostly do not understand the concept behind this identity. And yes, it’s not that I woke up one day and knew that I was a Neutrois, I had to think about becoming a Neutrois. I had to decide to be a Neutrois, as rarely a Neutrois is born this way.

Neutrois is as much about ‘what do I want from my life and how do I get it’ and ‘who do I want to be’ as ‘I just feel shit in my body and wish I could change it and just know that something is not right’. But it’s definitely not ‘I am male or female or sometimes this and sometimes that’.

Be clear about what it means to live your life like a Neutrois. It has implications, you know. I challenge you to live like a true Neutrois!

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