I went swimming today
I had a great day today. From the very beginning when I woke up in the morning, it felt like it was going to be a good day. I caught the train without having to wait for long and considered that to be one of many omens that things were going to go my way. Things like that are an encouragement.
I went to the shops and bought new clothes and a towel and I found what I was looking for straight away. People were friendly today, too. All in all, a good atmosphere to pursue a potentially damaging quest: to go swimming alone in a place I did not know, with people I did not know, who would likely consider me freakish and obscene.
I just went in, not knowing what to expect, went into the locker rooms and eventually the swimming area like an innocent little wisp who doesn’t know human conventions and doesn’t really care about them anyway. Who was going to argue with me?
I felt so great in my body, not even half as dissociated as usual. I could move as freely as I liked and noone responded to me in any way. They did notice something, but did not react negatively. I am so happy that noone told me to leave or made any snide comments or told me to get dressed properly. I had nothing to hide.
My beautiful breastless body could enjoy such a simple pastime as swimming in a public pool, without me having to explain myself, itself.
I don’t know whether they knew I was trans or not, or even suspected it, or whether they ever considered my body to have been shaped by me like that on purpose and was not formed by some form of illness. I could be a woman with no chest, a man with no chest, or even a child, considering how youthful I sometimes look, and so maybe it was easier to ‘pass’.
I don’t usually like gender bending or being androgynous or being considered one gender one day and another the next, but it’s still better than being perpetually put in one box. I seem to easily switch boxes, and that’s liberating. I don’t take sides, I neither support the male nor the female side in the gender wars. I prefer everyone to be neutral and just get on with life.