I changed my name and I am tring to find ways of changing my gender status…
…but I still feel I cannot speak out freely, because I am held back by a fear of judgement and some form of suppression. I always have a strange feeling when I log onto WordPress. It’s almost like dysphoria of writing that I experience, which sounds more romantic than it actually feels. I tend to see the computer screen as a potential enemy that listens to every word I say only to cancel it out with other words, words more beautiful, more relevant.
I tend to write more freely and honestly on facebook.
I don’t even write that much on paper, like in a little cute-looking journal, though I have bought at least a dozen over these last few months. That’s partly because I like typing on the computer. Am still looking for that perfect middle ground, a secret diary on the computer screen that I can actually trust.
But then…would I trust my own thoughts? Would you?