dominicdemeyn

:Neutrois Niche:

Category: Humans

Petition on change.org (change.org vs. Fox News)

People who refuse to be in a ‘platonic’ (sexual speak: ‘non-sexual’) relationship and are ‘single’ (sexual speak: ‘alone’), who refuse to ‘have sex’ (sexual speak: ‘be intimate and loving’) and who call themselves ‘asexual’ (sexual speak: ‘freaks’) are in need of some support. They face just as much opposition as other groups and are often punished for their sexual orientation ‘because they are wrong, faulty, sick’ (sexual speak: ‘because we care for them so much’).

If it’s in your interest, you can now sign a petition on change.org:

Instead of talking about asexual people, talk to us!

Another reblog: Living Alone

I need to reblog this on here. It’s a real big issue, the fear of being alone, and it has assailed me often, but I’m still fighting.

The post that I am linking to is by redbeardace and called Living Alone

It’s a post that highlights the importance of keeping things in perspective. Are we really in such a bad position to be living alone? Re-think!

The you

In Germany we have this great establishment, where words are used to convey respect.

‘Sie’ (you, formal) is such  a term. It is used when adressing adults that one does not know. Only when one is familiar with eachother can one derail and say ‘Du’ (you, informal). Or when one is talking to a child.

Familiarity breeds contempt, when it is faked.

I mean, do I know you? Am I your buddy?

The propensity for unfamiliar people, cissies (cis-people) and others, calling one “du” is inappropriate, but it happens just as often as misgendering does.

When one has come out as non-sexual and non-gendered, when one looks young or acts with respect and humility towards others, one seems to lose respect from people. It is assumed one’s mind has stopped growing, that one needs to be instructed and lead.

It makes me feel disgusted, especially when I don’t want to know the person who shows no sign of acknowledging my adult-ness, my selfness, my self-determination. Why would I want to know someone who apparently thinks I am worthy of being dealt with at the level of a child?

Familiarity breeds contempt!

It’s like people who say ‘du’ not because they know you or have any real importance in your life, but because they live in the same universe as you or have struck up a conversation and talked for 5 minutes while sitting next to you and now they feel entitled. Or because they are taller and stronger and smarter and richer than you, and feel like that’s why they can treat you the way they want.

And you should be grateful, too.

For it’s YOU who has to expand your mind.

(Of course)

You have to realise that if they address you in a familar way that that is a cue, it means they WANT you to be familiar,  they WANT contact, but they WANT it on their terms. But they won’t put that in a sentence, because it wouldn’t sound as nice, so they say “du”, hoping that this might actually lead to familiarity.

It’s such a subtle invasion of privacy it’s nearly not felt at all, because one is tempted to just shrug it off or treat it as a manifestation of a hallucinating mind. I often ask myself “Have I really heard that?”, “Did they really just say that?”, and “What on earth have I done that they now think I should be less respected?”

Of course the first thing I do is to look for a fault in myself, to check my system and replay the whole encounter in my head. I think of ways to solve this problem, without creating a disruption in the conversation, …

…without seeming haughty and arrogant.

 

 

The language we have is a small attempt at least to maintain a structure in our lives and determine relations between eachother, to reinforce these. Whatever is in our heads, our worldview, our deepest most intimate thoughts are communicated through gestures and language.

LANGUAGE–TALKING–WORDS  =  MEANING

When people call me ‘du’ after having talked to me for a little while or not even THAT-just a look has sufficed for them to determine my status in their lives-they have either done so willingly and at the full posession of their faculties, or they have betrayed their ignorance and contempt of me unconsciously through not thinking at all about the words they use.

Either way they have made a big mistake.

Inter-personal communication is not just about themselves.

SHOW    SOME    R.E.S.P.E.C.T !!

The Olympics are never over

Finally the Olympic games in London have come to an end.

But the real Olympics take place all over the planet, and don’t just end after a couple of weeks, and there are millions who take part without having been properly trained.

These aren’t games, either, but stark reality.

These ‘games’ often take place in places people rarely visit.

Disciplines include working hard long hours in sweat shops, or finding enough to eat to live through yet another gruesome day. Their champions set themselves the goal to not get beaten up and/or raped, to not get unjustly locked up, to not get shot or maimed. These athletes compete in events of Olympic proportions to not die in the streets or be overcome by depression and poverty and disease.

This requires just as much strength and determination, as much courage and skill as is needed to run fast in circles or jump over hurdles. The difference is that there are no crowds cheering and no medals to be one, and the rules are fairly simple, even a child would understand:

Whoever survives, is a winner.

poorpoor

The brave new world Part II: Transhumanist Research

The previous part of my article about Transhumanism was a short introduction of the movement that hopefully garnered a bit of interest for it.

The following is an elaboration on the introduction and another introduction for a third part that deals with one specific topic, that of the human form and related ideas about ethics.

However, let me begin by reiterating some basic tenets of transhumanism:

Transhumanists show a great interest in sceintif discovery and exploration, both of the external world around them and of themselves. Science fiction films and novels come to mind when one hears the word transhumanism, as it is implied that a lot of the concepts associated with this movement are revolutionary in a sense that they aim to go beyond the known, beyond what is even possible, beyond the human.

For this reason the movement has gained a lot of critics and skeptics. Since the movement focuses on such terms as future/enhancement/technology and on science, it is not very well understood and even often misunderstood and feared.

But little do critics take into account that without a spirit of endeavour and without transhumanist thought, the present as we know it would not have come into being, and perhaps not have come into existence so fast. For transhumanists often build upon the history of mankind and trace the roots of the movement back to the Age of Enlightenment and the Industrial Revolution.

Today various scientific fields are full of transhumanist thinkers that aim at using their skills to enhance the human (quality of life and sustainability, cognition and other skills). The follwoing fields are areas of interest for scientific exploration (in no particular order): Cybernetics, Neuroscience, Molecular Biology, Nanotechnology, Information Technology.

Japan cyborg research enters the skull

mind_controlled_robot

From cloning cells to creating robotic body parts, transhumanism is our constant companion in the quest for human enhancement and scientific discovery.

As is exemplified in the article ‘Japan’s cyborg research enters the skull’ (dated 17th April, 2008), researchers aim to use “real-time mind-controlled robotic limbs” to enhance motor skills for disabled patients. The way to do this is quite intrusive, but might yield a better quality life for the patient.

Enhancing the human is designing the human, re-shaping the human form and thus allowing for new concepts about what is human and how a human should/can perform. Scientific research and engineering (the practical and visible) spills over onto other fields as well, the Arts and Humanities, for example, where the concept of ‘Human’ is being re-adressed as part of the transhuman discourse. This might also have effects on other, not so obvious fields, such as Transgender Theory (eg. reassignment surgery) and Queer Theory (non-traditional ways of assigning gender).

Another gender-related article (link) related to media

Here’s the article on gaming culture: ‘Sexual Harassment in Video Game Culture’:

link to article

Some excerpts:
“According to psychologist Scott, “My thought is that we continue to live in a real life culture that continues to be alarmingly misogynistic under the surface, but the hostility that many males feel towards females is suppressed by social forces (like mothers, law enforcement officers, etc.). In secondary virtual worlds, like MMOs, those controlling social forces are largely absent…. In secondary worlds, males can be anonymous, and allow aggressive impulses to have free reign – and some seem to feel very empowered by this. These are likely men who don’t experience a sense of strength or personal power in their primary lives. Perhaps they are threatened by women, and deeply angry at them. They carry those feelings to secondary life and it feels really good to them to act out that hostility – and they are able to do so with impunity.”

“It’s not only women who are concerned with this issue. Men are also disturbed by harassment and sexism. James Bosier, an MMO player who plays to game with his daughter, is also concerned with the bigger picture: “I think [harassment] diminishes the game experience for everyone. It plays into the stereotype that people who play games are nerdy, misogynistic men who live with their parents. It continues to prevent us from being a more respected medium.”

My thoughts:
Aren’t we all misogynistic, deranged, sexually frsutrated, psychotic gamers?! (I know, ’cause I watch TV!!!)

Harassing someone online is not that bad anyway, ’cause it’s not real, it’s online…fictional harassment, so why be bothered by it, it’s just a couple of words and stuff and why should…I mean why….(upps, this comment could not be finished because the person making it was distracted by something on the computer and is now drooling over his keyboard while his eyes are glued to the screen).

We all need to let off steam, it’s our human right. If you don’t like this, get out of my space and go somewhere else (since the computer is situated in someone’s personal space, it is automatically assumed that everything on the Internet [what the computer generates] is also part of their personal space).

&%@(HFVWQOYOO*&@#)!(@*# (only one of the many intelligent arguments anti-bullying campaigners are confronted with)

movie review: Au Cul du Loup (2012)

Au cul du loup

Au cul de loup is a Belgian movie that I recently watched as part of a family event. In german the title is ‘Das Haus auf Korsika (the house on Corsica). The french literal translation of the title is ‘at the wolf’s ass’, possibly alluding to the house’s faraway location.

Storyline
The story revolves around a 30 year old emotionally volatile woman who becomes increasingly unsatisfied with her life when she finds out she has inherited a house on Corsica.
She decides to visit the island, despite her boyfriend’s and family’s desire for her to stay. The house is old and run down, but she falls in love with it and the countryside surrounding it and decides to concentrate all her efforts into renovating it. After a couple of impulsive decisions have been made, her family eventually come around to accepting her decision to stay on the island and building up her new life.

Critique
The title itself is an indicator about the general gist of the movie, the direction it takes. It’s like a roadmovie, because a lot of travel to and fro is involved, a lot of movement and nervous energy accompanies the protagonist throughout this movie and filters through to the audience. The scenery is truly beautiful and a stark contrast to the characters, the dialogue, and the emotional trauma surrounding the movie.
The characters are all sterotypes that can be found in numerous other genres, and seem to be thrown together as a background to the heroine and her journey to find herself and her freedom. There’s a downbeat boyfriend who works as a barkeeper and seems to have grown into his role and his life. He’s jealous and moody and seems lazily-happy in his defeatist role. The father of the woman who this film is about is controlling, prone to anger and close-minded, the brother is a good-for-nothing teen, the mother a good, understanding housewife who does not seem to mind her husbands temper. There are also some typical countryside types that are part of the Corsican landscape. The 30 year old waitress-heroine is the most disappointing character of all: she’s not particularly intelligent or witty and seems to just go through life as if in a daze. She’s neither financially nor emotionally autonomous but relies on family, her boyfriend and familiar surroundings to define herself and her life. Granted, until this house comes up, and she is caught in romantic expectations of huge proportions. She expects her new life to just emerge out of the blue, and things to just fall into place. She relies on absolute strangers to help her out (she often needs help) and never seems to fully regain her composure and stability. In the end, she does seem to be more sure in herself, but there’s a strong sense, that she will always lack confidence and the ability to manage her own life. She’s motivated and energetic, but chaotic and passive. To me she is not a particularly courageous character, I don’t have much sympathy for her. However, she seems very realistic.
The island’s romantic setting constrasts with the characters worldiness and their many issues and mistakes. Family relationahips are at the forefront of this drama, an individual’s search for herself, and a certain amount of cross-cultural communication. The relationships are all problematic and their foundations are shattered when one new idea is introduced: to move away from the known wolrd of city life and start anew in the country. How this issue is tackled is also problematic. One example of childish behaviour is the communication between the protagonist and her boyfriend. Apart from not seeming to communicate much at all, the rebellious (*sarcasm) heroine tries to convince her boyfriend to accompany her overseas. When he is unphased by her ideas and her desires, she uses all her wit and guile to change his mind. So what does she, in fact, do: She uses sex to blackmail him into giving in according to the motto: if you don’t do what I want, I will not have sex with you. At first, this tactic seems to work, but then the boyfriend, oh shock, reverts back to his old self and forgets all about his contract with her and she’s back where she started. Noone seems to listen to her and take her seriously. I wonder why.
Then there’s this guy she meets in Corsica, who works locally as a shepherd. He has his own issues, that are briefly looked at. When the woman comes to Corsica she has almost nothing with her and no plan on how to proceed. All of a sudden, she finds herself in the rugged countryside in an old, dilapidated house, exposed to the cold, far away from what she is used to. She is also very much at the mercy of the locals and has to rely on their goodwill to fit in. In theory it’s a romantic notion to be doing something so drastic as to leave the old behind and move towards the new and exciting, to be so utterly spontaneous. It feels great at first, until reality kicks in and one is confronted with one’s tearing emotions and insecurities.
As said earlier, the protagonist is alone in a new place, without the normal amenities of civilised life, without much social interaction. She doesn’t seem well-travelled and is still a bit naive and definitely lonely and scared. She seems overwhelmed by her own feelings and the task she has set out to do. Whereas before she was stuck in a routine in Belgium, now she seems stuck in the outdoors, neither moving forward nor back.
Having nothing much in her inherited house, she is helped (without asking for it) by this supposedly romantic shepherd-figure, who pops out of nowhere and recedes into the distance again. He gives her some basic stuff that is supposed to help with the cold nights in the cottage. She, the starry-eyed heroine almost runs after him straight away, seeking his presence constantly and even puts herself in danger for a bit of human comfort. Her emotions always seem to get the better of her intelligence and self-preservation instinct. She seems to be desperate for human contact. In one scene, which I find particularly disturbing, she has followed the farmer (shepherd) back to his place and has borrowed his jumper because hers has become stained with dirt when she was helping him catch a goat. She says something like ‘I’ll check if my clothes are ready now’ (as they were drying somewhere) and then what does the great hero of the story do: He just puts his great bulky body directly in her path and kisses her without any forewarning. I suppose some folks find that stuff romantic, but I am not one of them. He continues to try and seduce her in his house, and she is clearly distressed, a hundred different things racing through her mind. Then, what does she do? She apologises for her bad conduct, for how dare she say ‘No’ to such a machomanly man. She apologises to him for not letting herself be seduced and fucked by him…It’s not him, it’s her, she’s faulty, it’s all her fault for being so stupid and not being able to have sex with a man she has just met a couple of hours ago and while she’s in a foreign country with a disturbed past and an uncertain future and no family support and a boyfriend…Oh, the poor guy, his blissful evening has been destroyed by such a one as her. What hatred he must feel now, but now he says that it’s all ok, she is allowed to go her way. He won’t rape her today after all, I guess he must be a bit tired himself. What a saintly man to be allowing her to make such a decision, Go saintly man!
I guess it would be easier to take the woman’s side in this, if she wasn’t so damn gullible and wouldn’t latch onto every person she met. She also isn’t really the most trendy or attractive (sorry). She seems to make up for this by letting her breasts nearly hang out of her top at every possible occasion, and I doubt it’s because it’s warm in Corsica. It’s just her style. It’s her thing, no doubt, but it’s not to her advantage to be exposing her private parts like that, bathing nude in the river just because someone suggested it.
Then she runs to her whoring new man, and she’s disappointed that he has a new sweetheart, who must have emerged while she was away back where she came from.
Lastly, I would like to mention the family in this story. They are not the happy family in a fairy tale, but neither have the characters enough depth and emotion to even have problems. They just talk past eachother and ignore eachother, which changes slighlty at the end and leaves a bitter after-taste, because the change just happened without any explanation and happened because of a silly accident. The father has finally come to help his obsessed daughter to renovate, because she lacks both technical knowledge and physical srength to help herself. Fair enough. The brother arrives, too, and starts to enjoy bonding with his father through working at the house. But then new drama enfolds, and it’s all the protagonists fault, because she started all this. Her father suffers a stroke and barely survives, and all she can think of is the house. This goes to show that she’s a troublemaker and that bad things happen, when one follows one’s dreams. A family member could get hurt. It is revealed that the Dad is actually ok with keeping the house after all, he allows the heroine to make her own decisions and she is served his approval after all. So all is good, because everyone is ok in the end.
This is where we, the audeince, are left and the film ends. Nothing more is said about the boyfriend or how the relationship with this shepherd continues, or if the father will fully recover. The audience can decide that for themselves, but unfortunately they cannot rewrite the film. A whole new story and set of characters would have to be created, eventually creating a new film, so editing this one wouldn’t work. One could, perhaps, make a music video out of it. A few scenes in the film lend themselves well to rap or hip hop, perhaps one could mix a bit of folk in because that would suit the landscape.

age restriction: 6 years

Afterword
What worries me most about this film is not its general crappiness, for there are many such films all throughout the virtual world. As a Neutrois (a genderqueer) one has trouble finding any film that hasn’t got some stange characters and is full of stereotypes and things that just don’t fit. I couldn’t think of a movie or TV show that exemplifies gender versatility and acceptance of otherness or does not somehow appropriate someone’s culture.
What worries me is the FSK 6, that it is rated 6+ in my country. That means 6 year olds, especially ones who might be dragged to watch this by their parents or are indoctrinated into the genre of romantic comedy (because it’s so romantic and so funny…yes?) are going to watch gender stereotypes unfold at every new camera shot, are going to watch dysfunctional relationships without really understanding the context (because I doubt they already think like adults), and are also going to watch sex scenes, pornography, and superficialty.
A child may be smart and failry grown up, but a child should not be able to watch trash and pornographic trash at that. Maybe we should call these films something else. Instead of romantic comedy (which this relaly isn’t) let’s call it male-phantasy trash, or a cheap attempt at a light-hearted summer family movie gone horribly wrong, or regurgitated waste material from a production studio.
The only good thing about having seen this film is that I now know how bad it and useless it is. It has no entertainment value, no wit or humour, no characters to marvel at, no story that engulfs you and lets you forget you are sitting in a cheap cinema seat, no speactacular events, no complexity, no depth.
I guess it’s dificult to step out of the mould and create a film that is new, rich, and refreshing in its portrayal of men and women. Let alone a film that includes people who are genderqueer or question anything (gender binary, sexuality, politics, ….). Things are not questioned here, the characters are controlled by life, and do not control their own life. They are passive drifters and I believe will keep on drifting after the film has ended. But why is it so difficult to portray something else? Chefs in fancy restaurants come up with new creations all the time, ad agencies have to find new ways to sell a product and reach new markets, why not film makers? They are the story-tellers, the ones who are able to hold mirrors in front of us and show us who we are and what’s currently wrong with society, they are the artists and can help disseminate new ideas.

Letter to film-makers
Why is it so difficult to make a film that is NOT about stereotypes and weak men and women, and the old conflict between the two? Why do we even need men and women in a film, why is it so important?
In a film, everything is done on purpose, unless it’s an improvised film. The script is there for a purpose and followed by the actors, the places are well-chosen, the costumes for the characters are not just there because they were lying on a street when the film was shot. Nothing is coincidence in a film, that would cost too much money and be a gamble. So why not use your creativity, you directors, and produce something of value? Something that is challenging and new? Aren’t you getting bored of the same old shit or is producing films just about the revenue you will get for churning out something that is easy for common folk (the majority of the population) to watch? Why not be the artists you are? In this industry, in the industry of make-believe and story-telling, you should have the least problems to create new stories and push the boundaries. For when even our dreams, our creativity, illusion, and phantasy is based on regenerating old concepts of gender and culture, that’s when we will start loosing part of our identity and being human. Our ability to dream will be hampered, our minds made stale and unproductive. We won’t become mindless robots through body modifications, but through mental indoctrination and the dullness of our minds. Next time I will go and watch a movie I really want to see, I would like it to be one of yours.

The brave new world of going beyond Part I: A short introduction to Transhumanism

I have often wondered what is wrong with me, why I keep feeling like the eternal outsider. Perhaps I have now found what I was looking for all along, a synthesis of ideas that match my feelings more closely than any other: Transhumanism.

Transhumanism is not new. Transhumanism is happening right now, in the minds and actions of people all over the world. Transhumanism also happened in the past. Transhumanism is past, present, and future, because it is us.

A bit about me and why I find transhumanism interesting

I grew up travelling the world, because my Mum worked overseas for about 2-3 years at a time, and then the whole family had to move around with her, wherever she went. Me and my brothers repeatedly changed countries, schools, friends, and were constantly bombarded with new sensations, different social settings, and human cultures. every school system presented its own challenges, new peer groups formed constantly around us and dissolved again, we were accustomed to airports and other forms of transport, as we left our home town to move abroad.

This has given us an immense opportunity to get to know different settings, landscapes, foods, scents, cultural impressions, political systems, and ways of life, but also imprinted in me a sense of strangeness, of not belonging anywhere, really. Maybe it is because I was not prepared for the great impressions I received from constantly travelling and never really coming to rest, maybe it was due to my character (which tends to be a bit cynical) that I didn’t fully appreciated being moved around a lot and never having my own, never-changing place to stay. I don’t know this for sure, but I can say that it affected my worldview, and maybe has made me more prone to bouts of anger about the human condition and lack of closeness with others, a strong dissociation. For I often saw and still see my surroundings through a detached lens, I am often the observer of others, but rarely the one who actively interacts. I am often the disinterested third wheel in a relationship and never the one initiating close contact. I am often more intested in old buildings and historical figures than real humans and the lived experience.

I think that is why I am also more into science-fiction-related-material than I was before. I often considered sci-fi to be close to lunacy and not very practical. But this view has changed, and I am increasingly more interested in (a) what it is/means to be human, and (b) how technology and ideas can be applied to ameliorate the human condition.

H+

I started googling transhumanism and came to wikipedia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Transhumanism) to get an understanding about what it is (really) about, as it had only ever really existed as a vague idea in my head.

According to wikipedia, transhumanism is seen as “a continuation of humanism and Enlightenment thinking”. Transhumanist concepts tackle “the applications of advanced sciences to human biology” and a major focus of the movement is “the application of science to better the (individual) human condition, the improvement of human bodies…”. Transhumanists generally seek a control of human evolution and the use of new technologies to achieve that.

Another aspect of the movement is the critical stance towards biological determinism, and biology in general, as transhumanists tend to “see the very concept of the specifically ‘natural’ as problematically nebulous at best, and an obstacle to progess at worst”.

Transhumanism is a movement encompassing various thinkers and topics affecting the way humans live and the potential for human life in the future. It is geared towards a goal that is a sort of utopia, a reference point for the future: posthumanism.

Posthumanism is something to strive towards, as this quote exemplifies: ” They [transhumanist thinkers] predict that human beings may eventually be able to transform themselves into beings with such greatly expanded abilities as to merit the label ‘posthuman’.

the Vitruvian genderqueer

Cognitive liberty, morphological freedom, procreative liberty

I personally cannot conceive of a time where transhumanist ideas were not in vogue or under scrutiny from various political parties and segments of society, and I used to be an Archaeology student. I think in humans there is a great motivation to strive to better things, to affect one’s environment, to change and adapt, to create and experiment, and to initiate ‘progress’.

A lot of humans want to gain knowledge about their environemnt (nature), their selves (human body and mind), and their abilities (boundaries and powers to transform). We wouldn’t have cars and tall buildings and complex social interactions if it weren’t for this desire to strive for progress.

Also, I think there’s still a great need for humans to “become more than human”, to exceed our limited potential and be the creatures that we envisage to be, but whose abilities we do not yet own. We look towards something greater than us to strive for, just like a child watches a sibling and tries to be as good at sports as them. There’s a competitive element there, perhaps a need to show off, to leave one’s mark, to create something new and exciting.

Transhumanism has to do with redefining humans and what life in the future could be like. It involves a lot of theorizing, but also has very practical applications. Eventhough this type of philosphy is called transhuman and even confronts us with menacing words such as ‘posthumanism’, it is not removed from humanity, humanism, and the human, because it is produced by humans, shaped and criticised by humans, and its efforts are to increase the quality of human life. It is no anti-human philosophy. Humans are at its centre, its focus is on making life better for individuals around the world.

I think individual choice is a major concern for transhumanist thinkers, and that’s another reason why this movement has become attractive for me. I don’t agree with every aspect of it, nor do I fully understand what it entails. I’m not really scientifically-minded, and have trouble understanding scientific concepts and mechanisms, but I like creative thinking and the expansion of thought. I wonder where it can lead and what it means for us common folk.

the universal brain

In the next post i would like to highlight some of the concepts of transhumanist thinkers, some more practical applications, and include some more personal commentary.

Work: A Sort of Conclusion

Tomorrow will presumable be the last day at this workplace I have been at for about a month now.

In the beginning I was frequently pissed off at some of the responses I got from co-workers about my gender identity and their doubts associated with my identity, my beliefs.

But I’ve gotten used to them, their voices and mannerisms and I am more inclined to understand their attitudes.

They still question me when it comes to the gender binary, as they are so entrenched in this system, that they see no other. In addition, I doubt that they are interested in seeing another way of being, because the current social world suits them quite well. They are able to live comfortably in this world and even to profit from social rules and constructs. They are cis and happy with their lot.

I will miss the discussions we had, when emotions flared up and time went much faster than when it was quiet and everyone was serious. I will miss being able to explain myself and having someone listen and confront their own ideas. I will miss being in a group, and yet not belonging there, being able to mix with both men and women and sometimes being alone, being somewhat outside the rules.

We do tend to get along at work, after all, though it’s a strange relationship between all these different people from different age groups, countries, and backgrounds. Partly we work well together, because we have to, and partly because we all (as far as I can tell) are curious to know about other people and to learn about new things.

I am happy that I have been able to meet these people and talk about my ideas and feelings, to have an outlet for my emotions and philosophies. I hope in the new job (if I get it; it’s not 100% certain) I will be lucky and meet people who are, at heart, good people, who have good intentions and don’t only argue for the sake of it, who aren’t just shallow drones of the capitalist economy, who are capable of thinking for themselves.

Eventhough once again I was asked which gender I would ultimately choose, and I politely had to decline the choice of any gender, I am happy that this and other questions were asked. It’s like as if I was the colour orange and came into a world where only red and blue existed: Both red and blue would ask me which colour I am, as they could only see the colours red and blue. They couldn’t see my orange colour, my identity would be hidden to their naked eyes. I would have to keep responding that I am orange, eventhough they might still not understand this, because orange would not exist in their world.

As long as I don’t start to forget who I am, I will still have a certain amount of tranquility and freedom of being, of satisfaction.

1 week of work over and I think I need a holiday

It’s been a week since I started my new job in a factory-like environment, where everyday one does the same repetitive task for hours. I thought this would give me an opportunity to be alone with my thoughts (and earn money at the same time) and not have to comunicate with people (too much), but it appears to be the case that people will communicate with me, even if I don’t communicate with them.

I just want to do my job and then go home to some more me-time (as arrogant as that might sound). I can’t wait to step out of  that infested cage that my co-workers inhabit. They are nice enough (meaning they call me Dominic and don’t beat me up for existing, at least not physically). But they just can’t help ‘being funny’. The only thing I find is funny is that they are talking to a wall, to someone who is so utterly removed from them as to not even live in the same universe (at least not the same head-space universe).

Their grand conduct is starting to piss me off, and it’s been only a week at work; how will I be able to shut myself off from them for a whole month? How can one be so immature as to laugh and make a ‘joke’ (something about genitalia) everytime someone asks for a ‘Gummi’ (a german word for elastic band that is also often used as a word for condom)….after the 100th time, it sort of gets a bit un-funny.

Here are some more comments I had to listen to:

Context: I had been talking about me trying to remove myself from gender, as I didn’t think it existed and that it was damaging to myself and others, so I told them about the double mastectomy and other life choices and being a Neutrois

“Well, that’s not very womanly and grown up to be running away from yourself, you seem to be more of a girl than a woman”

(Response (real or imagined): Well, that’s exactly my point: I am NOT a woman, deal with it!)

“Hey Dominic, don’t dream at work!” “She’s a bit of a dreamer”…

(First you call me Dominic, then you use the female pronoun; seems you haven’t learnt yor lesson…are you trying to turn me into a transwoman now, or what?)

Context: The supervisor came walking by (back and forth) smelling strongly of some (I am guessing ‘male’ perfume, though perfume has no gender) and then ended up talking to his intimates (the people who work for him but who he also relates to on a deeper level because they all have dicks) and goes and says:

“She MUST be a lesbian”

(I said before that I am anti-sexual, I am celibate. That does NOT make me a lesbian, because a lesbian would have a sexual orientation, whereas I have none. I like neither men nor women, nor indeed am I attracted to Neutrois or other people. I am NOT sexually attracted to anyone, I am repulsed by them! Just because I don’t drop down to the floor and start undressing and behaving all submissive to you and your colleagues, eventhough you are wearing perfume and smell so ‘manly’, that does not make me a lesbian. Get over it, man!)

“Well, I don’t understand you, it’s a lot to stomach”, one of his colleagues: “I don’t get it, either!”

(Yes, of course you had to say that to pledge allegiance to your superiour and make sure that everyone knows that you, too, are not into my ideas and can never understand how a woman (since I told them, after they just wouldn’t let go of the question, that I was born female) cannot want children and a man (someone apparently with ugly stinking parts hanging between their legs). UNFATHOMABLE)

Context: The men (people with dicks, in case anyone forgot how important they are) talked about female health issues after a female colleague mentioned why she wasn’t confident in getting her motorbike license. She said she often had pain in her pelvic area due to some issue with her bone health and structure. This prompted the men (de menz) to discuss in length female propensity to suffer from these issues and how it would affect their child-bearing capacities. Undoubtedly they will also have thought that, in fact, this might be the reason why I have not yet pressed a screaming little shit-head human out of my precious body.

(In fact, I don’t like pain and having to care for some ugly fucking human for the rest of my life; I am not into children (screaming little dirty fucking shits) and am rather fond of the no-child, no-copulation (ever) policy.

Context: I talked more in detail about why I wanted and eventually got a mastectomy. My fresh scars are still hurting, even while I am typing this now, and it’s a particularly sensitive and important issue for me. And what does one of those old-fashioned men say to me:

“Oh well, I know that some women get that done, because there’s cancer running in the family, and they are scared of getting cancer”

(So, mastectomy is allowed for any other reason than not liking your God-given breasts?)

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These men at work are an interesting study of how the human brain can work to deny any and all evidence to an argument one does not agree with. The brain (and yes, even men are endowed with it, though they tend to focus on the fat down there) is an amazing organ and protects us as best it can from mental shock and things we don’t want to see. It seems even men are not immune to this.

So while they will continue (for how long, I wonder?) to study me and look or signs or lesbianism, mental illness, sexual deviance, or impotence (even a blink of an eye while talking about these things will be enough evidence for them to deem me such and such, because a blink of an eye will be considered a response and if I respond that means ‘YES” to whatever it is that men currently think about, eventhough a might’ve just blinked because that’s what humans tend to do when they sit for hours in front of a computer screen), I will continue to study them and all their short-comings as human beings and as beings who define themselves and almost everything around them/everything that affects them through the gender lens.

Funnily enough, I did not get any thoughts from the women co-workers on my ideals, other than something along the lines of “Well, each to their own” and “if you are happy with your choices”…..Apparently these women had no need to defend themselves from me and my ideas…