dominicdemeyn

:Neutrois Niche:

Tag: gender norms

Brother and sister playing with a toy plane in front of relatives

 

brother gets all the attention through dashing through the house, shouting and screaming indiscriminately at everything in his path and letting fly the aeroplane he has been given by his relative, a possessive aunt.

He gets encouraged and responded to with laughter and cute name-calling.

Sister decides she wants some positive attention, too, and thinks by doing the same thing…even better…she will garner more attention and be the one who everyone decides is cute and worthy of praise.

As soon as she starts being boisterous like that, she gets called names, too, but not cute ones. She gets put back in her place for being so loud and unruly and getting into her brother’s space and having th audacity to play with him, that she is sorrowfuly perplexed.

She sits back down to ponder her misery and think about what names she’d call her relatives.

link to an article from www.feminspire.com re: the ever-cheerful female

link to article: DO WOMEN OWE THE WORLD A SMILE?

From the article:

“A ‘brooding’ man cuts a strong, masculine figure–there’s a seductive draw to a mysterious stranger, after all. He doesn’t reveal his secrets; he holds the promise of affection above your head. That, it seems, is the default for sexy in a man: brooding and aloof, to match the chipper availability of his female counterpart.

The problem at hand isn’t that there are some unrealistic expectations for a woman’s public demeanor. It is that certain gender roles continue to creep into polite society and limit us in many aspects from mating rituals to self-expression. This idea functions on the assumptions that “sex” and “gender” are the same thing; from there it assumes there are two fundamentally opposite sexes that complement each other”.

 

My thoughts:

I have often encountered problems with my melancholy nature. Being melancholy can become frustrating, as it’s not  a fun way to be, but it’s not bad, either. I sometimes really enjoy being a bit moody and brooding over things that bother me or interest me but that are difficult to think about and for which there often is no answer. And I don’t think that this makes a person less attractive.

But often when I am thoughtful people ask me why I am so quiet, whether something is wrong, and then they try to cheer me up, they try to get me to smile, and they are happy when I do, it puts eevrything right again…the/their world is cheerful again. But  they are not interested in the underlying causes of my broodiness or what I am really thinking of. A smile makes them happy, no matter the reason for it, it banishes the shadows of melancholy.

Especially in men the desire to see a smiling, cheerful, elfish little creature of the opposite biological structure is very appealing. It’s their little escape route from the world of worries and the mundane. But once the smile vanishes from a young girls face, the girl vanishes as well and what’s left is akin to a diseased relic of what once was a symbol of glee and inspiration. What’s left is only the cautious approach of peers who ask: “Are you OK?”

 

from mystudentstruggles’: Socialisation: Part Two

Socialisation: Part Two.

 

My thoughts:

An objective and informative article about socialisation theories.
Made me shudder to think how much of this (socialisation) is going on in all levels of society, every single day of our lives. If we don’t stop, take in a deep breath and think for a minute about all the symbols and words that interfere in our identities, wherever we go in this Western world, we will easily lose our immunity to it. For what is our ‘culture’, what is our ‘modernisation’, what is ‘personal speech’ and ‘democracy’ when it comes down to lived experience? RHETORIC!

This is subtle oppression at its best and most viral.

SO: Significant Others

I have recently haunted the TQ Nation forum again, to read about what’s new and what’s going through people’s minds. I am a bit of a stalker in that way.

I really like it there, it feels like a safe space, like all sorts of genres of people are recognised. After having partly transitioned into my non-existing gender, I have felt less of a need to speak a lot in every forum on the net dealing with trans issues and transition, because I feel a bit calmer and less angry (about my body and my situation). But I’m not fully transitioned yet and also might never be, even if I do one day become a robot, because, as one person said in a forum, it’s not so much about the physical stuff but about what’s inside, and gender is also what others do to us.

I am also reading and learning more about areas of people’s lives I am not or not much in touch with. Significant Others is such a topic I have nearly nothing to say about, and still I write about it (LOL).

I am usually thinking about me, me, me, everyday. That’s also due to the fact that, conveniently, I do not have a significant other in my life, the likes of which I encounter on the forums. Only recently has it really occured to me what struggle they could be going through when having to deal with their partner’s transition.

A lot has to be said for someone who stands by their (trans-)(-man) or (trans-)(-woman) when they realise what changes may occur in the transitioning process. While originally identifying as lesbian, for example, one is now, after transitioning has occured, often identified as a straight couple, which messes with one’s identity markers.

Other changes affect the body of one’s partner. The voice, muscle bulk, hair quantity, even facial structure may change due to hormone therapy. All of a sudden, one’s girlfriend is one’s boyfriend. Does that not change the dynamic of the relationship and what if one only ever thought one liked women (as a woman) and now this happened?

(significant other, you’re so significant other)

I cannot say this very well or sensitively, because it doesn’t really affect me personally, I am just not in the situation, and honestly, I have a hard time putting myself in that situation. I don’t know how I would react and if I would stand by my partner. Such drastic changes might not alter a persona, but physical changes of the hormone sort would probably be a huge barrier to me. That said, though, I am not really capable of loving, so what would I know.

But reading the posts of so many people who are talking about their relationship continuing and flourishing even with transiition have uplifted what’s left of my heart and soul. It’s inspiring to read about success (love) stories and know that it is possible for some of us to find the right one and not have to be disappointed because we are not good enough. These SO’s make life so much better for a trans person, I wonder if they know how special they are and how important their actions are to stay with their respective partners, because they really want to and love them. It’s a kind of sacrifice to lose the person (the shell) that one has known, for 10 years, 20 years, or even one year. One has to rearrange a lot in one’s head and the relationship dynamic possibly changes as the relationship moves on.

Trans people may also sacrifice a lot for their partners or children. In order not to embarass them or make life difficult for them, they often deny who they are and do not come out in public. It depends on where their priorities lie, but it’s saddening to see that a lot of people have to hide even from their own families, because who they are eventually affects a lot more than themselves.

It’s not easy and it’s still about what one is willing to gain and what one is willing to lose. Is one’s gender identity important enough to warrant transition, are the peer groups or family more important? When is a good time to tell SO’s about gender stuff, how will they react, what will be the fallout?

I’m lucky in that my family is juuuuust ok with me. That is also due to the fact that I have trained them beforehand (for years) into recognising me as the trouble maker and weirdo….It kind of helps when they have that image of you. Things are not so dramatic anymore. My brother was a bit taken aback after hearing about my operation. After not speaking much for years (because it’s just too difficult) he was worried about me….AT LAST!!…………………..well, too late.

But it’s a process and I shouldn’t be too strict. Like a lot of others, I’m worried that I might lose my family due to being too different, the other day I was even scared about refusing a glass of sparkling wine that everyone in the group liked, because everyone likes that stuff, and if I criticise it I might be seen as criticising their life choices, eventhough it’s just a drink we are talking about. I get phases like that when I’m scared of admitting to anything at all.

But that doesn’t really help the situation either, because then I just want to be in a dark room and sleep. So I’m trying to tell people about myself and trying to find out who my significant others are, so that I can work on keeping them and being able to tell them how special they are.

 

 

The GenderQueer Atheist on YouTube

http://www.youtube.com/user/GenderQueerAtheists?feature=watch

 

A lazy Saturday post

sex: none (asexual)

gender: none (agender)

gender expression: Neutrois

sexual orientation: none (asexual)

romantic orientation: ‘straight’

 

If you saw this without the context of it being written on this blog, what kind of individual would you picture? Or would you just think that someone who wrote this was making a stupid joke and wasn’t really real?

Also, can one who has no sex or sexual orientation and no gender (or close to none, considering Neutrois is rather agendered than gendered) be called ‘straight’ when it comes to romantic orientation?

And why is there not more emphasis placed on romantic orientation or at least a distinction made between sexuality and romance, between sexuality and sensuality?

I bet many people will still doubt my existence and the existence of countless others, who cannot or are unwilling to display themselves and open themselves up to others because gender and sexuality labels are not written on all our foreheads; they have to be created, edited, established, and communicated, and that is part of the problem of gender. It is difficult to establish, difficult to interpret, difficult to handle, to place boundaries on it, because it is inherently complex and made up of so many personal feelings and experiences, wishes and hopes, fears and doubts…and general life (without the thinking and theorising) often comes into play as well and destroys or reshapes theory, it can interfere in our perception of ourselves and others and destroy our dreams of perfection and throw our ideals into unreachable realms.

I want people to know who I am, to know that I am real!

My mom is coming to visit today for the first time since I had surgery. Will she see me as real or stick to the old perception of me, because being real as a Neutrois does not satisfy her? Will she place the invisible cloak of gender on me in order to hide the new contours of my chest and my ‘gender worth’? I’m not ‘in’ anymore, I am on the fringe of society. How will she handle my decline into oblivion and did she realise that I was being erased and manipulated ‘when I was a ‘girl”, too? Will the fact that I will change my body and expression of ‘gender’ be used as an excuse to bully me and make it more justifiable to do so? Will the bullying become more open and aggressive now that I am openly Neutrois rather than pretend-feminine?

All these questions are running through my mind, but i don’t have the answers and don’t really want to think about them at present, because I know where I stand and whatever comes my way I will have to deal with it as a Neutrois and as best I can. There will surely be times when I will be immensely frightened and act less radical, more subdued, than I want to. There will be times when I will try to compromise to survive, because I don’t want to lose what I still have…..

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A sexual organ’s most practical uses: Genital Recycling

As I don’t have any idea what a sexual organ (reproductive tract etc.) is good for, I have tried to come up with some practical uses that will benefit not only oneself (!) but the environment and society.

(Feel free to add some of your own ideas)

THE BADASS GENITAL RECYCLING FIRM (we don’t mind putting our asses on the line for your pleasure)

1. burn the stuff (mentioned above) and use the resulting ash as fertiliser for your garden. It’s biological!

2. Spare the poor fish and use chunks of cut out sexual organs instead as shark bait, they are bound to love it, it’s natural!

3. make a powder of the dead material and create some organic paint; it’s a great way to add some of yourself to your projects!

4. make some art (there aren’t any boundaries here), just be creative. People love porn, so you’ll get a warm welcome!

5. send greeting cards with a part of yourself. Instead of signing your name, youu can just add a body part, since everyone defines you as such, they’ll have no problem recognising the card was sent by you. They’ll appreciate the personal nature of the gift!

6. Make a Halloween costume out of said organs and swap them around during the party for an unforgettable experience of culture. Immerse yourself in western culture by taking part in their traditional festivities and experience, above all, to be called ‘cunt’ and ‘dick’. It will give you a new perspective on life!

7. Experiment! You might want to engineer the stuff so it acts as your personal representative. This way you can be at two places at once and if someone annoys yuo you can easily say “talk to my vag.” and it’ll really start talking!

8. You always wanted to give your pet a part of yourself, be one with it. It’s part of a loving relationship! So, why not manufacture some personalised pet food and feed it to your loved one, so he/she will have a part of you in him/herself. It’s a very special gift and will make the bond of love and friendship (on your part at least) much stronger!

9. This is for the fundamentalists out there who don’t want to be neglected and will be happy to hear that they, too, can benefit from our latest offers. Why not use body parts as bio-weapon/bio-hazard. They are great projectiles and can easily be used to blackmail other people and generally get what one wants. It’s always good to have some spare parts; one is guranteed to succeed by having organs for every occasion. Need to be the boss, just strap on item Nr. 6448, need to be a female dominatrix, there’s a part for that, too. You can play whatever role you want and succeed in it!

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Disclaimer:

Sorry, we do not have parts for the non-sexual/non-gendered minority out there, but we are working on it to satisfy you, too.

reblogged from http://www.gamespot.com/features/from-samus-to-lara-an-interview-with-anita-sarkeesian-of-feminist-frequency-6382189/

From an interview with a media critic who looks at female gaming characters and how they are being portrayed. I find this section from the interview to be most interesting, as it highlights thimportance of story-telling in shaping culture.

Also, in looking at the media (especially science fiction characters, or, in other words, ones that are not real) one needs to consider this: Who created these characters and why? These characters don’t just come to life by some miraculous event, they are meticulously sculpted and framed in their digital environment for a particular set of purposes. We shouldn’t forget that there is agency involved in creating fictional characters and that however fictional they might be, people will start to see them as autonomous beings and will eventually compare them to actual real humans. Fiction and reality are thus mixed up together, the boundaries between these two very different spheres blurred. And often this ends up creating problems for people living in the real world. . .

That was my grand input on this and I have already said enough, because this issues is certainly not knew and I believe anyone with half a brain will understand the underlying causes and effects of creating unrealistic and generally hyper-…everything gaming tools. So, below is the section that I find really is the essence of why thinking more rationally about gaming is important. I urge anyone reading this to check out the interviewees site for more in-depth insight.

“You’re a pop culture critic who looks at all sorts of mass media–movies, television, games, and so on. When people respond to your videos with questions like, “Why does this stuff matter? Aren’t TV, movies, and games just entertainment?” how do you respond?

Ah yes, the classic “but it’s just entertainment” line is one of the most common defensive reactions to my Web show. My short answer is to quote the poet Muriel Rukeyser, who wrote, “The Universe is made of stories, not of atoms.” I love that line because it offers a succinct way of saying that culture matters, that stories matter. Narratives have always been a core way human beings learn about, make sense of, and understand the world we live in. Stories have embedded myths and messages and can be carriers of positive, heroic, or subversive values, but they can also propagate or reinforce negative stereotypes and oppressive social norms. Historically, the telling of stories has been an important and revered part of any society, and that is no different today. Popular media culture–for better or worse–is currently where the learning is happening, and that means that movies, TV, music, books, and video games are helping to shape our collective cultural universe.

I think part of the misunderstanding comes from a misperception about how culture works. It’s not a direct cause-and-effect situation where everybody just mindlessly copies the behaviors they see in the media. That said, media stories do have a profound effect on us, especially when messages, myths, and images are repeated over and over again. This is the reason why I choose to step back and look at the overarching patterns of how women are represented in video games over time. Because it’s this collective repetition that can seep into our minds and shape, perpetuate, and amplify harmful or regressive perceptions of women.

To put it another way, popular culture is like the air we all breathe. It’s in everyone’s interests to make sure that air is not polluted with poisonous sexism so that we don’t all end up with hideous misogynist mutations growing out of the back of our collective heads”.

More abuot this and related topics at feministfrequency.com

 

Pledge to self-human rights- work it out

(-) I will not do a task for a man someone that he that someone can do for himself that someone’s own self.

(-) I will not boost a man’s someone’s ego just because he that someone feels like it or has broken his that someone’s fingernail or has a cold.

(-) I will respect a man someone only if he that someone is deserving of respect.

(-) I will not feel obliged to explain myself to a man someone for being who I am.

(-) I will not have my thoughts and feelings invalidated by a man someone just because he that someone wants to feel powerful and important.