dominicdemeyn

:Neutrois Niche:

Tag: trans*

re-blog: breaking free of the gender binary

 

Adreess where video is to be found: http://www.chicagoideas.com/videos/336

Let us allow ourselves to listen to this brave young person and also to ourselves, while we’re at it. We don’t need to live in a jungle in order to look into our selves and accept our own nature and stop running after a society that tries to cripple us with their unsound gender rules.

“They need to see their own self for once”…

Ditch those unhealthy notions society tells you about yourself, integrate your spirit and listen to your instinct. Talk to people about who you are and how you feel and be proud of it.

You are a most important part of society and can help make it a better place for everyone. We’re all pioneers in our own right.

male is the new Neutrois

A lot of things have bothered me lately: the fact that my car is not insured and I cannot reach the person who is supposed to help me draw up a new insurance contract, the fact that at work I recently stayed five hours longer to complete a project which it wasn’t necessarily my job to do, and the fact that recently I have been reading a lot about individuals who take Testosterone and want to become male.

Also, I am seeing a specialist on trans issues, who is digging into my psyche and I am struggling with the emotions that go with that. I don’t want to do intense psychological work, as I’ve done this before and I hate being in that emotional place.

What freaks me out a lot lately is that this specialist is watching me and doing tests on me (only verbal tests, thank God), and has already diagnosed me with Borderline (yeah, yeah, I have known that for years) and mild autism (I got some autistic traits that counteract the Borderline traits and vice versa, which I find very refreshing). We’ve established that I am a complex person and not definitely this or definitely that and I am glad the one in charge of my name change realizes that. That’s a good start.

 

I just wonder why there are so many tests and I can’t just say I want to do this because every fibre in my body screams for it and it feels right and that is not really considered valid. Why would anyone in their right mind not accept that there is no gender? Why would anyone want me to be male or female. What’s it to them?

If you live mainly in your head and you have long stopped even feeling parts of your body and consider the body to be secondary to the mind, then I think it’s quite valid to be outisde of gender. To add to this, you do not abide by gender rules, and have nearly absolutely nothing to do with your peers (men and women, who identify themselves so). Why do people still try to make me have a gender, as if it was imperative to my existence? I can exist without one.

 

I also wonder why many who have initially said they are Neutrois or another type of agender or genderqueer or another type of label suddenly now take Testosterone and say they are a guy and even aspire to live as male. Where does this shift from genderless to male come from? Is it easier for them to do so? Has society made them do it, because of their constant stigma and forms of victimisation? Have they lost their ability to see past gender and thought in their little heads they have to settle for one, discarding their formerly so proud assertion that they are genderless?

All these defectors aren’t really helping the cause, the cause for a genderless way of life, the struggle to highlight gender politics’ bigotry and enslavement of the human spirit. Binary thinking.

For God’s sake, stop following the binary. Even if you are, in your heart and soul, a person who recognises and appreciates gender diversity and who does not necessarily feel so utterly male or female that you need to make other people’s lives hell, why don’t you show it proudly and unabashedly? Show the world that you are not part of the binary. I have three brothers, I know a lot about male priviledge and that you are able to get more out of being or presenting male and may even get to fool the medical establishment in order to get the surgery you want. But that, to me, is not a true victory. While you think you are fooling others or even being authentic, you are only playing their game and using the established gender concepts and pandering to their ideals, using their language.

I find that the struggle to be outside gender norms is akin to the struggle of women’s liberation. This is Neutrois liberation. It does not mean that this cause is more important than other causes, but it’s a highly political one and one to be taken seriously.

Please stop shaping your body accordsing to what’s practical or more suitable to society or even prettier. Unless you are truly male (and I don’t doubt that many people who take T are, or else they wouldn’t put their bodies under so much stress and make irreversible changes to their bodies), why don’t you live as neutral or at least be proud enough of it that you resist the temptation to be mainstream? Male is not the default gender for genderqueer people and certainly not for Neutrois. Neutrois exist alongside male and female and should not be amalgamated into the binary. I think it’s sad that many people default to male. It only goes to show how much priviledge is in the male gender, and how easy it is to become male (legally).

 

I sometimes seriously feel like apologising to people for being so difficult, and I don’t mean because of an inherent personality disorder or two or however many they are (I’ve not gone through all the tests that exist out there, yet). I’m talking about my gender problem. I want to apologise to the therapist (the one who determines whether I’m real), because I am so complicated and don’t ever shut up about gender equality and my desire to be outside of the binary and still have the same human rights as the default males. I want to apologise to her for taking up so much of her time, and for her having to try and understand me eventhough she knows already that I am either male or female or both. “She knows”, but yet she listens to me and my incoherent ramblings about gender neutrality. She must indeed think I am very sick and very deluded.

She is probably just waiting until I scream out for my first T shot and until I find enough masculine force in me to warrant becoming male. Or she thinks perhaps a small hormone imbalance and a bit of oestrogen would change the whole situation, and I would suddenly find myself in the kitchen preparing dinner for my husband, wearing only skimpy clothes to appeal to him, because that will be my only mission in life.

People apparently think I can be male one day and female the next. Isn’t that rather proof that these categories are arbitrary and don’t have a solid foundation?

 

Male or female energy: energy. Energy: neutral. Male or female: Neutral.

If anything, the default category should be neutral.

 

And the ennemies of gender liberation forget that there are more parts to a human than just the body, or just energy. There’s also thought and desire, motivation. There’s philosophy, morals, psychology, worldview, instinct, and all sorts of factors that decide whether one is male or female.

At least for those people who have these.

WATCH THIS, PLEASE, AND SHARE.

I wish these vids would show everywhere cis people go. While they take a piss in their cis toilets, while they walk from A to B, while they stand at a counter buying their groceries….while they grind their daily routine.

 

This should be heard throughout the streets and considered by everyone who calls or wants to call themselves an ally.

 

 

 

We deserve to be heard!

It’s up to you to decide

…do I have the ‘X-factor’, as in ‘extremely discomforting’ or maybe ‘rather xcellent’, or not?

I will never know how people feel about me and my agender agenda unless I communicate it to them in sometimes more and sometimes not so subtle ways.

I have come up with a few ideas to make people aware of myself:

(1) gender tag: wearing my identity on my sleeve or somewhere else where it is visible to people, stating name, non-gender, and pronoun preference.

(2) going swimming topless. It sounds horrible, but other than scars, people will not be confronted by anything upsetting. Come on, I mean, huge big scars on one’s chest? That’s nothing new…..at least not to me….

(3) writing an article for a newspaper outlining something or other people should know about me, it’ll probably reach more audiences than swimming around, but will it have the same dramatic effect?

(4) writing a book. Considering I have not done my 1700 word nano toll for my 50,000 word novel today, this seems like an unlikely way to get my points across and people will still have to buy and want to read it.
I like to confront people with reality….my reality.

When I asked the person in charge of the swimming pool whether I could swim there the way I wanted to, he had no precedence case to turn to for help in making that decision and giving me a sure answer. He only said I should try swimming without a top on and observe people’s reaction and told me he would have to take me aside and tell me off for it if he saw that it annoyed fellow simming pool users.

I asked him in case I would do this and appear in front of people as a Neutrois would, with nothing to hide. Perhaps I will get shoved back in my rabbit hole, but perhaps this could be one more win for me…one more way to feel free.

Freedom is such an illusive goal when one is fighting for it on so many fronts and there’s no end in sight. Or perhaps I’m not looking hard enough?

casual conversation about where to shop and another comment about short hair

Yesterday I had late shift and I am always a bit strange when I work late. Strange in a good way that is, as I become more tired as the evening progresses, I become less reserved and even silly at times, as if I was in a drunk state. (Funnily enough when I drink alcohol I get propelled into a reverse mood and get very pissed off and hermit-like).

Luckily it was a quiet working day and I had time to chat to customers. One woman from the United States (she told me she was from there) asked about good places to go shopping. She could not have known that I was not the right person to ask such a question, but it turned out that she was looking for exactly what I was thinking of: cheap and easy places to shop for clothes, such as the Walmart that they had in the U.S. . Of course I could refer her to several of these.

She was glad to receive so much information, and then she commented on my hair, said how cute this short hair was and that we were almost like sisters (because she had short hair, too). There were other customers in the store and and this woman explained to them how she had asked ‘her’ (meaning me) about places that were good for shopping, and they were eager to help her and provided her with information, too, just as I had done. It almost felt like we were all familiar to each other and having a normal conversation, just a couple of women gossiping, talking about shopping, never mind that none of us knew eachother and that I was still at work, working.

I was happy to hear that the woman approved of my hair(style), for I always enjoy hearing positive comments. The fact that she mentioned we were like sisters was kind of neat, too, because I had never had a sister and didn’t know what it would be like to  have a sister, and it kinda meant that she approved of me, for otherwise she would clearly not have said such a thing. So I concluded that her intentions were good.

However, I would have liked it if she had not so easily dropped me into a gendered category and said ‘she’ and ‘sister’ without thinking about these words. I know it’s not clear to people that I am a neutral, that I indeed see myself as genderless, but still I find gendered words so misleading and so obsolete in conversation. They tend to remove me emotionally from the one who adresses me as a ‘she’ that I cannot claim to be able to fully relate to them anymore, and eventhough they are not unfriendly to me, in my eyes the time I spend with them loses value, all the fun I could have had talking to them has suddenly been dampened by a bitter taste.

I was not going to correct her there and then, time was too short and I was still working, and not there to educate people. I wonder when my patience will run out and I will blurt my thoughts out to complete strangers who just want to buy a book or a CD and get on with their lives.

It has not happenend yet, and perhaps the tiredness that puts me in a slow and uncantankerous mood has helped avoid such a situation. For now, I am just happy that people even talk to me and say things like “I like your hair”. I don’t expect much insight into gender from them, and not a lot of intelligent comment 🙂

LINK: http://liberationcollective.wordpress.com/2012/06/08/a-feminist-critique-of-cisgender/

“Gender is not just a fun dress up game that individuals merely identify with in isolation from all contextual and historical meaning, but the most powerful tool of structural oppression ever created by humans”.

 

This article poses new questions on the use of terms like trans* and cis-gender. It looks critically at gender from a feminist perspective, questioning the usefulness of using these terms. As I understand it, the article points out that people don’t look at the power dynamics and complexities of gender enough, at its mutability and inherent ambiguity.

In relation to feminism:

Although at first glance a feminist stance towards topics such as gender, sexuality, politics and the like seems to some people to be overtly hostile and subjective, feminists have paved the way for us to even think in different ways and ‘on our own terms’. Without feminist ctitiques and observations, without feminists efforts to revolutionise inter-personal relationships and political structures, we as trans*-identified people would probably be at a loss for words and would probably receive all the contempt mainstream society has to offer.

A feminist perspective is vital in understanding where we as female-born individuals and also as male-born individuals originated from, which society we stem from and how it might have affected us in our further development. Even people who identify fully as male, whatever bodies they inhabit, may learn vital lessons from feminism.

I am pretty sure radical feminists hate me, if they even value me enough to send this strong emotion my way. I don’t present female, I’m not proud of having a female body, I don’t fight for explicitly female rights and I don’t encourage female love-making. I also consider myself rather trans*, eventhough that term is not able to quantify my complete human experience or all the dreams and desires that inhabit my soul. I have had many experiences that many females have, I have encountered oppression just as many females have, but alas, I am not part of the club, because I don’t identify as female.

Yet I admire many feminists and wish I was as brave as them in challenging hetero-normative views and the dynamics of oppression. Women’s liberation is of critical importance in human progress and the liberation of all opressed minorities. Feminism is about the right to be human, so it should affect us all, even those who don’t identify as females, or especially those people.

Update on work and eating at restaurants

I got a new number name badge at work. Instead of mentioning my biological sex (what some people would refer to as gender), it just states the first letter of my name followed by my last name.

I had told my supervisor about my gender and problems with pronouns and names and everything to do with the accursed female/male thing, and she keeps introducing me as Dominic, though sometimes it sounds more like Dominique. And though people still use gendered pronouns (specifically female ones), they at least refer to me by ‘my’ name, which helps me feel more comfortable in the workplace.

 

I once appeared in front of the manager with the name badge I had made in a shop, proudly displaying my non-legal name, which I have really become accustomed to and feel attached to, but she wasn’t happy, because it wasn’t conform.

 

But now I have another name badge that isn’t like the others, either. I wonder if people will notice the slight difference in content, the fact that a biological sex signifier and gender trigger is missing.

 

I still get wrongly labelled, last time was yesterday at a restaurant. I felt like throwing the menu back at the waiter for saying the words I didn’t want to hear, but luckily controlled myself enough to just get annoyed and a bit unfriendly. I’m not sure if he really noticed my ennui, but he did change his way of adressing us slightly to something more neutral. Or perhaps I just imagine he did to make th event more agreeable.

 

I am still wondering how I can be more exposed as a Neutrois, get more publicity so that people can become more aware of my presence and the possibility of living a bit differently.

Maybe I can stock up on trans-friendly shirtage. I am leaving walking around topless for a fitting occasion, preferably in summer.

 

He/She/It-it’s all in the head

Imagine we didn’t have these wordes to relate to people….

Imagine you just arrived on Earthe from a different part of space, and gender and its terms didn’t mean anything to you. What reference model would you use when referring to people?

Would you perhaps conclude that people with the same eye colour were related and spoke the same language? Where would you imagine the coloure in the hair/face/eyes came from? How would you interact with these people, not knowing who they are?

We as humans are fairly limited in our perceptions and other cognitive abilities. We cannot know a thinge, we only ever know of a thinge, of its relation to us and its surroundings. We evaluate eachother in order to define ourselves. Distance, Time, Touch, Smell, Sound,…and Gender are all relative. They are because we say they are, because we have created mental structures around them. They are frames of reference around which we build our ‘artificial’ world, which then translates into real life/real time.

But this knowledge, this knowing of, is not Truthe: one can relate to another by saying “I understand what you mean or even I know what you mean”, communicating that what was said was at least partially understood and thereby one can make the other person feel better, more included, less alone perhaps. Shared experience is a type of emotional bonding that is important and can have many positive effects on people, but it does not go as far as true knowledge. We do not know what it is like to be a chaire or what a dog feels and perceives with its superhuman sensory perception, and eventhough we were all once babies, we can scarcely remember that time of our lives; we don’t inhabit a baby’s body or live a baby’s life anymore (at least I suspect that most of my readers don’t).

Her/Him/It, these terms are markers, verbal cues that are part of the human language and symbole matrix within which our identities are embedded.

Nobody ever asks a person whether it wants to be called he or she, unless its obvious that there is a consciously sought transgression of gender boundaries. Nobody would think it their right to ask such a thinge, as normality has already become festooned in their conscience, their vocabulary, their neurons. Words, like experiences, make connections in our brains with which we are able to maneuvre the evironmnet we live in. Language, our verbal experience, can also change behaviour, it may redirect neural pathways and associations. If we stopped using derogatory words and gendered words (which I place in the same category by the way) we would probably start looking at reality differently.

Reality is in our heads. My reality might be different from yours.

We establish what is real through verbal, physical, mental boundaries. We can beat people with sticks, and keep them away in slums or enclaves, and we can establish power structures in more subtle ways.

He/She/It are labels, but they are empty! All they signify is that ‘he’ is not ‘she’ is not ‘it’, that there is a difference between them. In Germany we say ‘Der Stuhl’ (the chaire, male). We also say ‘Der Mann’ (the man, male). Should we therefore treat these two equally or shold we rather start respecting the chaire more or perhaps we should start throwing the man around ‘like an olde chaire’? Does the chaire have a gender and if so, how does it express it? The chaire is most likely not even aware of its name or pronouns…

As I said a while ago, I started a new job. I already introduced my name (Dominic) in many ways, by signing documents using the name, by saying I like the name and would like to be called it all the time, and even by buying a name badge for 10 Euro. I wore this at work until the supervisor found out and called it all off. My plans have thus been disturbed, but I am still happy because my workmates have accepted the name. However, they still haven’t fully understood its implications and made the mental connection between the worde and the lifestyle behind it, between the name and my identity. They still use female pronouns and define me as female, but are also willing to use a male name for me. I wonder that they don’t get more confused by doing this. But it seems pronouns and names don’t pose much of a problem as long as they are gendered. Their concept of who I could and should be is not disturbed but rather reinforced by gendered pronouns.

What they can’t get their heads around is that I exist eventhough the language to define me doesn’t.

feels like christmas

1. My dad has accepted and even supported my decision to have had double mastectomy without reconstruction. As long as I’m happy, he’s happy.

2. Almost my whole family is coming to visit soon, so there’s ample opportunity to make a new start, leave old ennuis behind, and just re-connect.

3. There’s more and more exposure of the Neutrois and the word ‘agender’. Even if a lot of it is bullshit written from the perspective of a cissie or someone who just likes to string a couple of words together and call this a researched article, it is still better than nothing and a great way of starting some discourse (heated discussion).

Whoever is listening: Hello!

Every Thug Is A Lady: Adventures without Gender : a book

I am Neutrois now

In the past couple of months many things have changed for me. I changed country, city, and, to some degree, lifestyle, and these were all choices I made willingly. I was driven in part by economic circumstance and dreams about re-establishing family ties, in part by the need to transition and feel better about myself (in my own skin).

The operation was a good idea, though many people will doubt that. I don’t think about it much, to me it is an established fact that I am Neutrois and I am justified to alter my body in certain ways.

But I do have doubts. I doubt people can understand what it’s like to feel Neutrois, I doubt I will ever be free of prejudice and misunderstanding, I doubt I will eventually find my place in society, because I am a fringe person, I seem to always live on the edge of what is normal. Though I would like to own my own place one day and stay at a job and work, and have a circle of friends, and cultivate good relations with my family, I seem to intrinsically live a different lifestyle, because I consider myself Neutrois, and am therefore an Other.

I never wanted to be trans*, but i seem to be trans* now, because my being Neutrois requires from me (from my personal view and seeking of happiness for myself) a transition. I do not transition in order to become Neutrois, because that is already in me, I am ‘it’, but I still feel the strong need to transition, to align my body with myself, for unless it changes, my body and soul will always suffer.

But society does not accept this. I go out, and people talk. I get questioned about being a girl or boy, until they settle on one or the other, I get told: “Ah, you’re just like the other one we met the other day”, and it feels like they actually stamp me with an oversized stamping tool that says: “We have just the right box for you”. Their interest lies not in knowing the truth about me or where I come from or where I am going, they want to re-establish their truth about themselves and the world they are accustomed to. I understand that quite well, as I myself often hide from unsettling things until I am ready to tackle them. But my response is not physical or verbal attack. I don’t try and injure the people I don’t like, eventhough there are many.

I feel that people go out of their way to belittle others. That is what I cannot understand, unless I look into the recesses of my most evil parts, and there I find some sort of comradeship. But seeing that I am often out and about alone and an easy target, people fall prey to their base instincts, their lack of reason and sense, their base thoughts, and attack me through well-thought-out words and phrases, that they know will pierce me just as much as a knife into flesh would. These are not all morons who use verbal slurs, but use the intellect and creativity they have to demean other people, because they cannot seem to think of other ways to use this talent.

“I am Neutrois” should be written on every T-shirt and other item of clothing I own and I am tempted to tarnish the basic and true colours with writing in order to be more fully understood. I only want people to ‘look at me’ in order to see positive difference and the possibility for change. They can distort a painting or burn a book, but they cannot distort me when I walk past. That must be very frustrating, that I am so important to them in this way but yet not important at all, and they can’t avoid noticing me, and yet just want me to vanish or be assimilated like a BORG from Star Trek.

“I am Neutrois” is a fact, whenever I walk past you, I am Neutrois, whenever you think of me, I am Neutrois, whenever I am silent, I am still Neutrois. I am beginning to be tired of always thinking of ways I need to change and adapt. I can only adapt so much without losing myself, I can only change so much in physical ways as to become more fully aligned with my (gender) identity. I am always going to be caught in the middle, like a half-human only, who is neither this and neither that and does not belong.

Perfection is clearly out of reach, humanity is a concept that is not wholly in my grasp. But Neutrois is still what I am, even if it sounds like a new sci-fi induced race.

The funny thing is that even if I wanted to fit in, I cannnot do so anymore, because I am compelled from an inner source to stick to this identity. I do make some small sacrifices along the way, but not enough to lose myself. I am still trapped in a female body (I am not denying that), but I am still Neutrois. Those who cannot grasp that concept cannot grasp the concept that a box may have different content than what is written on it, that writing on a box may be washed away or changed, even if it is done with permanent marker.

They cannot grasp the concept that they are not the only ones to decide who a human being is, and that they are not immune to re-definition and change, either.

Existence is dialogue, and that is why they talk TO me. They talk like throwing stones, their talking is more of a hissing, and yet it is part of the dialogue that establishes who we are.

I ignore them.